The Imperfect Cast

Perfection is imperfect it turns out...

I worry a lot. And when I worry, what I am usually trying to do is to figure out the right thing to do, to somehow predict how the world will unfold and put myself in a position of advantage relative to that. The problem with this is stress; lots of stress! Now, if you move through life with grace and equanimity at all times, then I encourage you to skip right to the end and watch Bob Mortimer describe the game “Theft and Shrubbery”, but if you’re like me and need help embracing the imperfect then leave Bob for the end.

My instinct is to see imperfection as a bad thing, something that is not perfect and therefore is not the thing I should be striving for. What I would like to suggest is that seeing the world through the lens of the right thing (or the perfect thing) causes us to miss something amazing.

In his remarkable book, On Giving Up, Adam Philips introduces the idea of narrow versus wide attention. These are actually ideas that he himself was introduced to in the writings of Marion Milner. She would probably call my worried musings “narrow attention”. There is one point where Philips quotes her describing it as a nose to the ground approach. Anyone who knows dogs will have an immediate and vivid image of the single minded focus that this approach might induce. Certainly this has its place, it’s great for getting things done but it can also distract us from the beauty of contemplation.

By contrast wide attention offers something different, something decoupled from immediate concerns or future predictions. This sets us free from the tyranny of being right.

“Wide attention provides alternatives… [and] is a form of attention purged of aims and wants… You can’t get the boon and benefit of a contradiction by taking sides.”

- Adam Phillips, from the prologue of “On Giving Up”

Think about looking at an old paper map. While it certainly contains an answer about how to get from one place to another, it also contains a multitude, each of those could be right depending on conditions and circumstance. Even better it gives us a sense of a vast area all in one glance and can even just simply be beautiful. What emerges is more than just a right answer or a single solution. I think part of what appeals to me so much about any map is the sheer potential it contains.

Years ago I did a motorcycle trip across the country from LA to NYC. At the time I probably could have used an early version of Google or even printed out a path on MapQuest. Fortuitously what I actually did was to take apart an atlas and put a few pages in my pocket each day, changing out the pages I had already crossed for ones that were in my future. As a result my trip was perhaps not perfect in terms of efficiency or hitting every landmark but what a wonderful way to go through each day just letting time and my maps unfold in the moment.

What was important was not predicting the future but being prepared for the one that I got. This is where the casting comes in. If you have never engaged in the particularly esoteric pursuit of fly fishing, it is fair to say that it is not the most effective and certainly not the easiest way to catch a fish. It is also true that this is what makes it wonderful.

Joan Wulff - Making what is admittedly probably a perfect cast

In fly fishing you are attempting to select a tiny ‘fly’ that has been hand crafted to imitate some particular bug that hopefully is emerging at just the time you are fishing in order to convince a fish that it is real. Long story short is almost certainly the nerdiest and most challenging type of fishing there is but also, it is peaceful and beautiful, and for me deeply restorative. There is an idea that fishing is about catching fish while angling is simply about the art of fishing. In fly fishing a big part of this art is the cast. Certainly for the novice this is the greatest challenge. Managing to toss a tiny fly that weighs almost nothing 40 feet out across a river without everything becoming a tangled mess is not easy!

To achieve this, fly fishers have developed all manner of esoteric gear and techniques in pursuit of the perfect cast. In this world of esoteric techniques there is one woman who has no peer. Joan Wulff is without a doubt a national treasure and the first woman of fly fishing. One of the great opportunities for anyone who wishes to better themselves with a fly rod is to receive instruction from her on this art. I have have had the pleasure of not only meeting Joan but of having received this instruction from her. I can tell you this. I am better than I was before and nowhere near as good as she is. Luckily, that’s ok because on the river there is no such thing as a perfect cast, just the right cast for the situation you are in.

Finding this imperfect cast is a combination of understanding the conditions and having the ability to make the cast that is called for in the moment. While we may (and should to a point) strive for perfection, real life exists in the middle where it is messy and imperfect. What gives us purchase is not the fact that we can be right but the fact that we tried many things in many ways, took a little bit of knowledge from everyone and built up our own instincts about how to do things as situations arise. When we commit to casting our attention widely, the narrow problems can be a lot easier to deal with.

So… back to Bob Mortimer. I first encountered Bob in a UK show called Gone Fishing so I suppose that is why he found his way into a fishing metaphor but more to the point there is just something about his gentle refusal to do things one way or the other, instead finding a middle (albeit often hilariously crazy) path, that I love. I think it is important in life to find people who’s way of being we admire. They might not give us answers but they certainly do give us techniques to find our own imperfect cast. If I could be a little bit Joan and a little bit Bob I think I would be on a good path.